WARNING: THIS IS A COMPLETE AND TOTAL "RANT" IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENED, PLEASE DON'T READ :)
okay, here it goes, i'm going to piss off half my friends and family, but i need a place to vent and this is it:
i was at a function a little while ago and i was sitting at this table with 4 other ladies and one was very close to delivery so naturally the topic of giving birth came up. we all told our birthing stories, etc. etc.
there was one lady in particular who was very outspoken about the importance of natural childbirth (which i happen to agree with and see the benefits of). she seemed very "earthy" for lack of a better word. but then her story telling of the natural birth took on a very accusatory and judgmental nature. saying or insinuating things like, "if you really loved your child, how could you possibly take medicines that could hurt them?!" i'm all for doing things your own way, but i try not to get "judgy" or make others feel bad for the way they choose to do things. this lady was definitely laying it on thick. okay, i understand being passionate about things though (as you'll see in a few paragraphs, i'm quite passionate about some things too :))
then the topic of immunizations came up...can you guess? she didn't believe in immunization either. again, i can actually get on board with this, to a degree. i feel we should go in more educated on immunizations...but i digress. so, this lady lectures us on what immunizations will do to your child, again with this "if you love your child how could you inject them with, blah, blah, blah." she must have used the "if you love your child" line 10 times. which, in my opinion is a very judgmental beginning to a sentence! we ALL love our children NO MATTER our decisions on ANY of these topics!!!!
well, now the topic of nursing (or breast feeding) comes up. you may think you've guessed it...but you'd be wrong...she DOESN'T breastfeed!!! you should have heard the excuses spewing out of her mouth! her first argument..."i just didn't make very much milk." well, a soft spoken lady spoke up (i was proud of her because this was quite an intimidating lady) and told her about a breastfeeding class she took (at WIC many years ago) by a pediatrician, that told her that any lack of milk is directly related to the mother's diet. which, i know to be true, as i took the same class:) i remember not making very much milk for little william, but i wanted to make sure he got all the benefits of breast feeding, so i had to put my weight loss on hold and let him have my body a little longer.
then she used an outrageous line...are you ready..."yeah, well, he kept spitting up, and my doctor told me that he was probably allergic to my breastmilk and to just switch to formula." BS sista! in that same class i took at WIC (and i researched it online before i did this post to make sure I'M not spouting BS) breast milk, is one of the few substances on earth that people are not allergic to. let me rephrase, that YOUR baby is not allergic to. there are some cases back when wet-nurses were common, where a baby didn't take kindly to a particular type of breast milk. but YOUR body works for 9 months to cook up the perfect recipe for your little one. it is designed specifically for your baby! there are times when he may be allergic to something in your diet. i remember vance having a strong reaction to anything spicy, and drake having an extreme reaction to anything with garlic. but the committed mother figures it out, adjusts her diet, and let's her baby now have control over her body AND her diet for a little while longer.
well, i let her know (i think very kindly) about what i just explained and where i learned it. so finally she just said with a laugh something to the effect that "it beats getting up every 3 hours. just let your husband do the work! chuckle chuckle."
okay, now for my rant: if you're interested in some of these facts and statistics there are TONS online. one particular website i liked was: www.breastfeeding.com (stats are greatly increased the longer you breast feed. pediatricians tend to agree that 12 months is the ideal length).
one of the biggest and most proven benefits of breast feeding is a boosted immune system:
they show enhanced vaccines
higher immunites to the flu
higher immunites to diarrhea
higher immunities to herpes
higher immunities to respiratory infection
higher immunities to multiple sclerosis
and tons and tons more!
on an interesting side-note, the program WIC, which deals exclusively in the health of women, infants, and children in need, will not let you opt out of both immunizations and breast feeding. if you choose NOT to breast feed, then you MUST immunize. and like wise if you choose NOT to immunize (which they're okay with, they're one of the few programs that actually gives both sides of the argument instead of just one), then you MUST breast feed. if you're going to be a member of their program then they make sure that your baby is getting their immunities somewhere!
boosted development and intelligence
higher IQ
congnitave development
social development
(people love to try to disprove the IQ one, as society DOESN'T want to believe this. so they keep testing and retesting and retesting...and every test shows a slightly higher IQ to children that were breast fed as babies. nothing huge...but still higher)
long term benefits
less likely to develop:
diabetes
childhood cancer
hodgkin's disease
okay, there are tons more, if you're interested research it yourself. let me restate: i am totally okay with women who choose not to breastfeed. i have sisters/sisters-in-law whose children just didn't take well to it...and who can bond with a baby screaming at your breast every 3 hours. just don't tell me i don't love my child because of it. i'm also okay with women who choose to do natural childbirths and no immunizations, as long as they're presented in a non-judgmental manner. for example, a good friend of mine (caitlin, you're a total rockstar!) recently, after much study and preparation, decided to do a home birth. it went smoothly, she loved it, and the baby was healthy and strong. when she was deciding to do this, not once in any of her posts, did i feel judged for NOT doing it her way, but rather i was INSPIRED! me," miss i can't handle pain," was inspired to possibly try a home birth! this same friend was also the one who inspired me to get more educated on immunizations. she has a beautiful and eloquent way of expressing herself and she PROVES that this can be done through LOVE and not ACCUSATIONS.
now, i know right now i'm too angy to be inspiring :) i had a lady i didn't know, insinuating that i didn't love my child because i had an epidural and got them immunized! but i also nursed all 3 boys for 12 months, i have the saggy boobs to prove it! i gave them everything i possibly could, including my body for 21 months. i'm sure most of you are disgusted at this post, but as i didn't have the courage to say any of this to this stranger, i needed a place to vent! let the judging of me begin :)
6 comments:
Wonderful, wonderful post Kellie! I am so jealous of nursing mothers. :) What an incredible thing to give your sweet baby! I felt so defeated and completely incapable after my experiences with my girls and it has and will always be so hard for me to look back on. I will probably write an apology to them and Paine about this issue.
However, I feel slightly healed in a sense now. I made it almost 2 months nursing Paine and it was the most wonderful experience ever... I am so glad to finally at least be able to experience the bond in a positive way for at least a short period of time. However, I am still so sad I couldn't find a way to persist... I gave up and didn't have the stamina to keep pumping while I nursed and supplemented. But at least this time I did everything I could... nursed exclusively for the first 7 days, took supplements, pumped, consulted lactation experts and had a wonderful midwife and doula to help in every way they could.
And you are completely right we ALL LOVE our children no matter what kind of decisions we make at certain time periods in our life... if our first child would have been a boy outcomes would have been completely different regarding circumcision; we are now on a delayed immunization schedule with only select shots; and I gave birth at home to only our third and final child not my other children etc. etc... our lives evolve and change.
We all have something to learn from everyone in our life, even the woman you describe in this post whether she wants to admit it or not. :)
Thank you, Kellie for the post! :)
It's stories like this that remind me how important it is that we watch what we say and don't "assume" or "judge" anyone for their personal decisions. Can you imagine how that lady would have felt if someone at your table had lost a child due to a home birth? We have no right to tell anyone the "right" way to do something because we all have our own crosses to bare.
I think I will add this to my new years resolutions to not make blanket statments that could offend someone. I think it is great to share your personal experiences and opinions. We can all learn from each other. It's a completly different thing to make judgments on someone who doesn't do things they way you think is right. I'm going to watch what I say around others this year to
a: not make a fool of myself like that woman
b: refrain from offending anyone who has trials different than my own.
c: become more compassionate and christ like.
Thanks for the post Kel, it really got me thinking!
VERY impressive, Kelli!You expressed yourself very well and made good points. In rearing children, there are often MANY "right" ways to do it! We can say "____worked well for me" but need to be careful not to offend or be dismissive of someone else's theories and methods which may work equally well for them.
I'm smiling, though, about the things that come up in dinner conversations with your young friends. At almost 69 (and 72)
we discuss knee surgeries,back pain, cruises, grandchildren, whether we brought in the mail,and if we remembered to pay the electric bill! The most heated dinner conversation we've had lately came when we ate with the Blancs. He regaled us with the horrors of eating "Farmed" vs. "Wild" Salmon. Those farmed salmon are fed chemicals and growth hormones, swim around in tanks filled with their own excrement, have the meat artificially dyed to imitate various kinds of salmon, etc. They have bumper stickers which say "Friends don't let friends eat FARMED Salmon", and if they consider purchasing seafood from the menu they always ask, "is this fish fresh or farmed?" They are totally passionate about it, and have made converts out of all of us who ate with them that night...
My daughters and daughters-in law are among the best parents I know. I trust them completely with my cute, smart, witty and remarkable grandchildren! Mom
Interesting lady you met Kelli! Usually when a woman is all "natural" they whip out their boob and start breastfeeding right in front of you. It's quite contradicting to want a natural childbirth that lasts a few hours vs. 9-12 months of unnatural food for your infant. No one can argue against breastmilk being the best thing for your baby. Heavenly Father wouldn't have made it that way if it was wrong...he doesn't make mistakes. ~Shauna~
as a pediatric dietitian, I can lend 'expertise' to what you said about breast milk. All true dude. Well said.
I loved your rant Kelli! It was very well said...I miss having ranting sessions with you! Breast feeding my kids is the main reason that I never really went back to work...I could say it was because they never liked to drink out of a bottle, but to tell you the truth, I never tried that hard! Me feeding them was the best part about them being babies, and I like to know that they made it to their first year because of me, and only me!
I have to say that I got an epidural with both of my kids, and would love to say that I tried it without...but I never did! I wanted that medicine and don't know if I would ever change that I had it...my births were so peaceful and happy...and turned out exactly how I wanted them to. I don't think that someone should ever look back and regret how it was, but look ahead and figure out how to make it better for the next time. Maybe one day I will think about no epidural and having a home birth, but at 45 minutes to the closest hospital, that won't work for me now!
To me it sounds as though the lady that you were talking to is not as happy about all her decisions in life as she thinks she is..maybe this is her way of trying to convince herself that all of the choices she has made are the right ones, so she must defend them with all she has. There is no point in arguing directly with a person like that, they are never convinced and in the end it just makes you feel bad to have argued with them. Love you Kelli, if you ever need to rant again I am always here for you to call! Kandice
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